This actually happened a week or two ago, just before I lost that single status, infact. I had a real empowered kind of feeling. I feel like an echo of Vicky. A very slow echo, though. I had a strong feeling of not needing anyone, like I could do anything if I put my mind to it. If I really wanted it. Of course, then I took on a relationship. I have someone there to lean on, which is good, because that great individual strength feeling left fairly fast. Of course, I still feel I can do the things I really want. I just lost the part where I can do it alone. I want friends, family and the boyfriend around to help.
So. The boyfriend. Still going well, I guess. I have my fears, as usual. I don't trust people, which is a bit of a bitch when your boyfriend works in a bar, goes drinking after work, and has lots of friends that are girls. That means I am working really hard to not become all possessive and feel like I'm keeping a check on him all the time. I've had to make myself stop a few times, breathe and tell myself it's ok, and he wouldn't do that. He's too scared he'll hurt me to do that, but I'm too scared of being hurt to just forget my fears. I'm doing a good job though. This is the first time I've voiced them, just to get my thoughts clear. Right now, I'm really not so worried.
I just emailed my ex-best friend. It was an on impulse email. Just like the one I emailed an old good friend last week. I just need to update on a few things, which I guess is why I wanted to let those people that meant a lot to me what I'm doing these days. I sort of hope the one I emailed tonight will take up chatting with me again. He hasn't yet gotten over how angry I got at him for something he did a while back, but that's in the past, and I'd like it if we could move on.
Now, I better wrap the boyfriend's birthday present, because I sure won't have time to in the morning.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Life In Relationships
I seem to have suddenly found myself in a relationship. In the very early hours of sunday morning I was asked out, by late that night I told him yes, and it's been going smoothly since then. I was at a place with myself where I was enjoying single life and the feeling of freedom, but after a lot of thinking I decided that was not worth missing an opportunity like this for. It was no good reason to turn down a fantastic guy. A lot of my decision was based on some advice a friend gave me when we discussed what was going on between this guy and I previously. The whole thing's been going a while, a few people have said "it's about time" when they've heard the news. Anyway, the friend's advice was good and I think worth listening to. I was surprised when this particular person said, "do you want to talk about it." when I mentioned confusion. He's not the talkative type, but he was brilliant. I couldn't have asked for better advice.
When I said yes I have to admit I was still unsure, and felt I was leaping into the unknown and may pull the safety line and climb back out at any minute. That didn't happen at all. Three days in and I am absolutely happy in my decision. I'm happy with how things are now. My guy is fantastic. We took a lot of fussing around and confusion getting there, but now we are together I'm sure we're both happy we are. Of course now I feel like a total sap writing all that happy together stuff, but I am truly in a good mood.
Now I have things to do so a certain person will not kill me tomorrow for forgetting to bring him things for a third day running. I am going to gather DVDs to loan right now!
When I said yes I have to admit I was still unsure, and felt I was leaping into the unknown and may pull the safety line and climb back out at any minute. That didn't happen at all. Three days in and I am absolutely happy in my decision. I'm happy with how things are now. My guy is fantastic. We took a lot of fussing around and confusion getting there, but now we are together I'm sure we're both happy we are. Of course now I feel like a total sap writing all that happy together stuff, but I am truly in a good mood.
Now I have things to do so a certain person will not kill me tomorrow for forgetting to bring him things for a third day running. I am going to gather DVDs to loan right now!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Life In Walton's World
It's been a long week. I had a fantastic lay in this morning, so I finally feel like typing up my daily blogging which I kept in a notebook in Sydney. It was a good week, but exhausting. Here it is. =]
Life In Firsts
Some people are too nice. Today has been long and fantastic. Getting up in excitement at 7am really was just the start of it. The Napier to Auckland flight was just one of many firsts today. My first ever domestic flight. I was seated in an exit row, next to Mrs. C. She swapped seats with Vicky. We then had a wait at Auckland. We boarded our Auckland to Sydney flight, and I was seated in an exit row, next to Mrs. C. She swapped seats with Steph. Food came around, but of course Mr. W. had not thought to specify we needed one vegetarian and one gluten free meal in our group, so I passed on eating. Then Steph insisted I take her ice cream. Just too nice, but she did end up getting ice cream as someone didn't want their own.
Landing in Sydney we hit another first. My first time overseas without family. We went through customs surprisingly fast. Finding transport to the hotel was a bit of a fiasco, but we made it. Then there was #1. He was very attractive. Yes, just for fun, we are keeping count of the good looking guys we see. We are up to #7. #1 and #7 are top so far.
Also in today was the first theatre trip of the week. We saw Savage River. It was in a small, intimate theatre, and it was absolutely amazing. Setting a high standard for the rest of the week.
Life In Sore Feet
My feet ache. Wearing high heels all day wasn't such a bad idea. Walking maybe 20km in them was the bad idea. But hey, what's some sore feet in exchange for another great day? It has to be said, Sydney Opera House is amazing. This morning we took the "essential tour." The whole building is amazing. We heard part of a rehearsal of an orchestra in the concert hall. It has fantastic purple seats, and the sound was amazing. The fantastic coloured seats continue throughout the theatres. Pink in the drama theatre, and orange for the opera theatre, if I remember rightly. We returned to these orange seats in the evening for the opening night performance of Aida. It was a very high-tech and stunning show, but we were all very tired so getting back to the hotel was a relief.
Between these opera house trips we went to the outlet stores. This wasn't so impressive. We had lunch, which was good. Then shopped, not so good. The place was being renovated so there wasn't much around. We went back to George St. and shopped our way back to the hotel. I'm very keen to buy new converse but they would set me back AUS$90 and I'm not sure I want to splash out that much.
Life In A Minor Key
So far today we have had tours of AFTRS and Fox Studios, and shopped. AFTRS (Australian Film, Television and Radio School) was really interesting. Of course, the behind-the-scenes film world is not my calling, but AFTRS looks like it would be great fun, if that's what you want to study. After that tour we spent a long time walking around trying to find the entrance to Fox. When we were finally in it was pretty cool to see the spaces where films such as the Matrix and Moulin Rouge were filmed and where sets like the elephant had been.
Shopping was a little more successful today, although I didn't buy much, and no clothes. I bought Bodyshop things, chocolate for mum, and some Aussie souvenier things. I got Abe's stuffed toy - a platypus. I still want more, so hopefully Paddy's market will give me some good buys.
Tonight we have another show, but for now there is time to kill relaxing before we get ready for that.
Turns out we were seeing a musical called Poor Boy and turns out it was fantastic. I absolutely loved the show. The songs were beautiful, and some of the actors had great voices. The set was a fantastic design, and well used. The whole thing was brilliant, with a strange but interesting story. Top recommendation for that performance.
Life In Not Knowing
hWe just came back from the final play of our trip, The City. And not knowing... I just don't know what to think about it. I'm too tired for it. The play was modern, and strange, as modern things are. I'm starting to grasp the concept, but it sure was strange.
KAll the plays the week have been fantastic. The whole week has been good. I'm tired now, so not really up for the blogging. Perhaps I'll be more capable when I type this up tomorrow or on Saturday.
So, that was most of the week. Then friday... another long day. It was made up of flying and everyone being so insanely tired that playing with Pokemon/beyblade things in the airport was very amusing. As much as we were having fun on the trip, I think we all needed the break getting home meant. Of course, I had an extra day of exhaustion to go before I could rest. I had to work yesterday, and it was a bit shitty. I was almost falling asleep all day. Luckily it was quiet, so I was able to leave at 3pm and then spend time with Abe until he had work at 8pm. Had a fun time hanging out, and he was very pleased with his platypus. The platypus I figure is now nearly back in Auckland, as he is with Abe, and Abe is spending a week up there to do some work for his mum.
Today is definitely a day for relaxation. Time for lunch. =]
Life In Firsts
Some people are too nice. Today has been long and fantastic. Getting up in excitement at 7am really was just the start of it. The Napier to Auckland flight was just one of many firsts today. My first ever domestic flight. I was seated in an exit row, next to Mrs. C. She swapped seats with Vicky. We then had a wait at Auckland. We boarded our Auckland to Sydney flight, and I was seated in an exit row, next to Mrs. C. She swapped seats with Steph. Food came around, but of course Mr. W. had not thought to specify we needed one vegetarian and one gluten free meal in our group, so I passed on eating. Then Steph insisted I take her ice cream. Just too nice, but she did end up getting ice cream as someone didn't want their own.
Landing in Sydney we hit another first. My first time overseas without family. We went through customs surprisingly fast. Finding transport to the hotel was a bit of a fiasco, but we made it. Then there was #1. He was very attractive. Yes, just for fun, we are keeping count of the good looking guys we see. We are up to #7. #1 and #7 are top so far.
Also in today was the first theatre trip of the week. We saw Savage River. It was in a small, intimate theatre, and it was absolutely amazing. Setting a high standard for the rest of the week.
Life In Sore Feet
My feet ache. Wearing high heels all day wasn't such a bad idea. Walking maybe 20km in them was the bad idea. But hey, what's some sore feet in exchange for another great day? It has to be said, Sydney Opera House is amazing. This morning we took the "essential tour." The whole building is amazing. We heard part of a rehearsal of an orchestra in the concert hall. It has fantastic purple seats, and the sound was amazing. The fantastic coloured seats continue throughout the theatres. Pink in the drama theatre, and orange for the opera theatre, if I remember rightly. We returned to these orange seats in the evening for the opening night performance of Aida. It was a very high-tech and stunning show, but we were all very tired so getting back to the hotel was a relief.
Between these opera house trips we went to the outlet stores. This wasn't so impressive. We had lunch, which was good. Then shopped, not so good. The place was being renovated so there wasn't much around. We went back to George St. and shopped our way back to the hotel. I'm very keen to buy new converse but they would set me back AUS$90 and I'm not sure I want to splash out that much.
Life In A Minor Key
So far today we have had tours of AFTRS and Fox Studios, and shopped. AFTRS (Australian Film, Television and Radio School) was really interesting. Of course, the behind-the-scenes film world is not my calling, but AFTRS looks like it would be great fun, if that's what you want to study. After that tour we spent a long time walking around trying to find the entrance to Fox. When we were finally in it was pretty cool to see the spaces where films such as the Matrix and Moulin Rouge were filmed and where sets like the elephant had been.
Shopping was a little more successful today, although I didn't buy much, and no clothes. I bought Bodyshop things, chocolate for mum, and some Aussie souvenier things. I got Abe's stuffed toy - a platypus. I still want more, so hopefully Paddy's market will give me some good buys.
Tonight we have another show, but for now there is time to kill relaxing before we get ready for that.
Turns out we were seeing a musical called Poor Boy and turns out it was fantastic. I absolutely loved the show. The songs were beautiful, and some of the actors had great voices. The set was a fantastic design, and well used. The whole thing was brilliant, with a strange but interesting story. Top recommendation for that performance.
Life In Not Knowing
hWe just came back from the final play of our trip, The City. And not knowing... I just don't know what to think about it. I'm too tired for it. The play was modern, and strange, as modern things are. I'm starting to grasp the concept, but it sure was strange.
KAll the plays the week have been fantastic. The whole week has been good. I'm tired now, so not really up for the blogging. Perhaps I'll be more capable when I type this up tomorrow or on Saturday.
So, that was most of the week. Then friday... another long day. It was made up of flying and everyone being so insanely tired that playing with Pokemon/beyblade things in the airport was very amusing. As much as we were having fun on the trip, I think we all needed the break getting home meant. Of course, I had an extra day of exhaustion to go before I could rest. I had to work yesterday, and it was a bit shitty. I was almost falling asleep all day. Luckily it was quiet, so I was able to leave at 3pm and then spend time with Abe until he had work at 8pm. Had a fun time hanging out, and he was very pleased with his platypus. The platypus I figure is now nearly back in Auckland, as he is with Abe, and Abe is spending a week up there to do some work for his mum.
Today is definitely a day for relaxation. Time for lunch. =]
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Life In The Love of Friends
I figured as we fly to Sydney tomorrow and I may not get a post until Friday or Saturday I best leave a farewell blog.
I last posted Wednesday, so, what's gone on since? It seems like a fair bit, although it's not really. Mostly enjoyable though. On Thursday there was school as usual, then something that is becoming a tradition. A walk into the village with Kyla and Beau. The past few weeks this has happened, and we usually make a few stops around the village. Shops or cafe. This week it was a chips and ice cream kind of day. Chips and ice cream to be eaten by the monument, right in the middle of the village. Then I had to get myself off to HaBYT. I had to shoot two fairly small parts, so the rest of the evening was spent hanging with everyone, mainly Kurt and Liz, trying to be quiet so no noise would pick up on the camera in the next room. This was immense fun. We shared iPods and sweets and had some good conversation.
Friday was the final day of term 2. This meant the school was partially empty, but those that did bother turning up were in good spirits. I needed to purchase a wall charger for my iPod, so I can survive next week, so after school went into town. I got the charger, and some new tights. I really don't need more tights, but I shan't let that stop me. Once home I spent a productive evening getting most of my packing done. I've been quite successful in leaving lots of room to shop in Sydney.
On Saturday it was work as usual. I had a pretty good day. We were busy, which kept the energy up, and I was excited for Sydney so everything seemed good. After work I just went home for the evening. I did a little more packing, but that's about all.
Today was very mixed. It was fantastic, with one bad factor, but that was a fair sized factor. This morning I went to Kyla's to meet up with her and Katie. This is fantastic. I haven't seen Katie since the end of last year and had a great time catching up with her. However, there was drama thrown in, by Kyla's family troubles. She got picked up and taken home. Grounded. Then as we wanted to continue with the day's plans, out she snuck. Maybe not the best idea, and sure there will be consequences... but we had so much fun. Whilst Kyla was home Katie and I had bought the supplies. Ice cream, V, pretzels, M&Ms, donuts. I will tell you now, ice cream and donuts and AMAZING together. We sat eating this great combination as we decided what should be the next step. We needed a friend with a car, and we are all very grateful to Uta, as he was just the right friend. He picked us up and we took a random drive before parking for a short while at the river. He then needed to get somewhere, so we were dropped at Katie's. We spent time there with her gorgeous cat, Pusspuss. Her mother then wanted the house in peace, so Kyla and I came back to my house. Later on Abe joined us here, which I was very thankful for when Kyla received a text which made her burst into tears. His support was well appreciated then. Of course, sadly, they had to leave, as my flight leaves reasonably early. I should actually be sleeping right now, so I'm going to make one final check of my luggage and then retire. I am very excited. I shall report back when I return to this land, of the long white cloud.
I last posted Wednesday, so, what's gone on since? It seems like a fair bit, although it's not really. Mostly enjoyable though. On Thursday there was school as usual, then something that is becoming a tradition. A walk into the village with Kyla and Beau. The past few weeks this has happened, and we usually make a few stops around the village. Shops or cafe. This week it was a chips and ice cream kind of day. Chips and ice cream to be eaten by the monument, right in the middle of the village. Then I had to get myself off to HaBYT. I had to shoot two fairly small parts, so the rest of the evening was spent hanging with everyone, mainly Kurt and Liz, trying to be quiet so no noise would pick up on the camera in the next room. This was immense fun. We shared iPods and sweets and had some good conversation.
Friday was the final day of term 2. This meant the school was partially empty, but those that did bother turning up were in good spirits. I needed to purchase a wall charger for my iPod, so I can survive next week, so after school went into town. I got the charger, and some new tights. I really don't need more tights, but I shan't let that stop me. Once home I spent a productive evening getting most of my packing done. I've been quite successful in leaving lots of room to shop in Sydney.
On Saturday it was work as usual. I had a pretty good day. We were busy, which kept the energy up, and I was excited for Sydney so everything seemed good. After work I just went home for the evening. I did a little more packing, but that's about all.
Today was very mixed. It was fantastic, with one bad factor, but that was a fair sized factor. This morning I went to Kyla's to meet up with her and Katie. This is fantastic. I haven't seen Katie since the end of last year and had a great time catching up with her. However, there was drama thrown in, by Kyla's family troubles. She got picked up and taken home. Grounded. Then as we wanted to continue with the day's plans, out she snuck. Maybe not the best idea, and sure there will be consequences... but we had so much fun. Whilst Kyla was home Katie and I had bought the supplies. Ice cream, V, pretzels, M&Ms, donuts. I will tell you now, ice cream and donuts and AMAZING together. We sat eating this great combination as we decided what should be the next step. We needed a friend with a car, and we are all very grateful to Uta, as he was just the right friend. He picked us up and we took a random drive before parking for a short while at the river. He then needed to get somewhere, so we were dropped at Katie's. We spent time there with her gorgeous cat, Pusspuss. Her mother then wanted the house in peace, so Kyla and I came back to my house. Later on Abe joined us here, which I was very thankful for when Kyla received a text which made her burst into tears. His support was well appreciated then. Of course, sadly, they had to leave, as my flight leaves reasonably early. I should actually be sleeping right now, so I'm going to make one final check of my luggage and then retire. I am very excited. I shall report back when I return to this land, of the long white cloud.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Life In The Game
Yes, I just lost the game, and I apologise, because now you have lost the game too. This week I have lost the game everyday, and I am now at a point where a friend/aquaintance of mine doesn't even have to say anything to me, I just lose the game as soon as I see him. Each day this week, upon seeing me, he would say, "Hey, Lara... you just lost the game." Frustrating, slightly... something to blog about? Not really. It's not like I've done anything exciting... no wrestling crocs type action. I really must agree with Vicky on the latest blogging. I must also say I like her new focus. It's a bit of a coincidence really, just a couple of days ago I was thinking about things I've learnt. Looks like I'm not the only one. Today I learnt that there won't always be someone there making sure you get things done. With some things you just have to drive yourself. Of course I knew that before, it just really kicked in today.
In one week we will be half way through our Sydney trip. I'm getting quite excited. I haven't left NZ since I got here way back in August 2006, so it will be nice to get a change of air again. And Aussie air is just fantastic for that. I am realyl planning a big shop, but slightly worried about suitcase space. I shall definitely have to be packing early, perhaps starting tomorrow, to make sure I'm going to have everything I need to take with room to bring more back.
This week another thing has happened, which possibly interests no one but myself and one other. My friend who had been avoiding us has begun to join us at lunch times again. I'm not exactly sure why, or what brought about the decision to come back, but I like it. I really hope it lasts, because now I'm adjusting to him being around again it will only hurt if he leaves again, and I don't need any more hurt. Today I was told my crush, who has liked me for a long time, has a crush on somebody else. I always knew he's a flirt, but that's all harmless. It makes things a bit more confusing to hear he actually likes someone else, though. Where does it leave us? I couldn't bear to be feeling second best, or just not good enough, if I were to let myself keep getting closer to him... but it's going to be hard to pull away again. I suppose I should go for communication and tell him what I've heard, but what's to say he won't lie. I've been lied to plenty before. I'm not ready to be hurt again, but I think it's too late. I am definitely reinforcing the fact that I do NOT trust people.
In one week we will be half way through our Sydney trip. I'm getting quite excited. I haven't left NZ since I got here way back in August 2006, so it will be nice to get a change of air again. And Aussie air is just fantastic for that. I am realyl planning a big shop, but slightly worried about suitcase space. I shall definitely have to be packing early, perhaps starting tomorrow, to make sure I'm going to have everything I need to take with room to bring more back.
This week another thing has happened, which possibly interests no one but myself and one other. My friend who had been avoiding us has begun to join us at lunch times again. I'm not exactly sure why, or what brought about the decision to come back, but I like it. I really hope it lasts, because now I'm adjusting to him being around again it will only hurt if he leaves again, and I don't need any more hurt. Today I was told my crush, who has liked me for a long time, has a crush on somebody else. I always knew he's a flirt, but that's all harmless. It makes things a bit more confusing to hear he actually likes someone else, though. Where does it leave us? I couldn't bear to be feeling second best, or just not good enough, if I were to let myself keep getting closer to him... but it's going to be hard to pull away again. I suppose I should go for communication and tell him what I've heard, but what's to say he won't lie. I've been lied to plenty before. I'm not ready to be hurt again, but I think it's too late. I am definitely reinforcing the fact that I do NOT trust people.
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