Life In Lies

This morning I woke up feeling positive and refreshed. Despite being at work, I felt good. I was happy, back to myself. But as the day drew on my mood plummeted. Feels a lot like I've been putting on a face. Acting like I'm ok, when I'm really not. It's like I should be wanting to do all I can, not wanting days to end, but all week I've just looked forward to going back to sleep. Escaping. Not having to think. About anything. Sadly that means I've been getting more than enough sleep so now I'm simply not tired. I can't sleep, although I have work in the morning and I. Do. No. Want. To. Think.
Tough shit. I have to. There's no point avoiding it, but who wants to face the fact that they aren't happy? Even though I did feel happy today, now it feels like I was lying to myself. And that is brutal honesty. I can't straighten anything else out enough to write it, so I guess I just have to go face my thoughts until I fall asleep.

Life In Possible Paranoia

Feels like I'm having a tragic girly downfall. But it's fair to expect him to text first sometimes, right? I'm not just being paranoid and clingy, I'm sure enough of that. Is a text too much to ask for? Apparently so. I guess it's stupid to sit and wonder if he actually cares at all. Especially since I'm sitting watching a dying rose, from Valentine's day, and wearing the bracelet he got me for no apparent reason. But gifts like that don't seem to mean anything when it's not backed by nice texts, or even just asking how I am. Honeymoon period's over folks. Maybe I'm just paranoid, or maybe it's downhill from here.
Enough relationship prattle. It's hardly the most important thing on the books right now. Books is actually where I'm at. School work is still a priority. School work along with HaBYT and playing volleyball actually is very time consuming. Right now I should be going through my lines for HaBYT. I better get to it really, or I'm sure I'll be in trouble over it tomorrow night. Sigh. Back to it.

Life In Schooling

It has mainly been a week of school. I go to school, I come home, and I do more school work. It's not an exciting life. So last night we spiced it up a bit. I went to see the Burlesque show. I was wondering whether it would just be blatent stripper porn stuff, or an actual good show. And thankfully it was the latter. The show, although it had nudity throughout, and did use some slightly cheap gags, was actually quite funny. Probably the least tasteful thing they did was having half the audience make origami vaginas, and half make origami penises. Then have everyone "make beautiful love" by throwing their creations to the other side of the audience. Slightly amusing, but rather worrying, idea. There were some good circus type things, the tissue and trapeze, which was good. Half naked people on trapeze is surprisingly funny. Overall it was probably a valuable experience, and certainly worth the crap I'm taking from mr director man for having a night off of HaBYT. That is very rich since he is now having two weeks off himself.

Life In Goodbye

Ten days since I last posted. The majority of the time has been school. My last subject is finally set, and it's not so bad. I'm taking food and nutrition which should be quite fun. I'm enjoying all my classes so far. Having a positive attitude towards everything really does make it so much better. Of course as usual I'm most interested in drama. I really like the play I'm working from, Wednesday To Come, but I think it will be quite a challenge to complete the task with it. I'll have to have a good think about it. In my head my bookwork is going well so far. I have pages worth of things to write down. I've just got to put it on the paper.
Thursday night I had habyt, and I like the play we are working on there too. It should be a good laugh when we get it all together. And friday was my valentine's date. We went to a movie then back to my house so we spent some good time together. It was rather nice. But he told me he forgot the gift he got me, he left it at home. I was think I'd have to wait at least another few days to see him and get it, but this morning I had a very pleasant surprise. He drove all the way to see me just to give me my valentine's gift. Which was a rose and box of chocolates. By far the best valentine's ever. Although he had to leave straight away so he could get to work.
Anyway, sorry Vicky but it's my turn to talk about MM. So if you don't fancy reading about him skip the rest of this post.
I had to say goodbye last night. He came round to see me and hang out for the last time for a while. We had a great laugh over a game of pool (I won, of course). It was very funny and I was enjoying the time with him so much. I knew goodbye was going to be hard but the closer it got the worse it seemed. After our game of pool we each got a text telling us to go to the 21st Max was at, so we decided we'd go along and join the party. Max, MM and I were hanging out and having a great time. But MM had to go meet another friend at probably about 11pm, so there it was. We all know he's not a big one for hugs but standing by his car just before he left we were definitely hugging. And I did not want to let go. Of course I had to though so after dragging out goodbye a little he was gone. Max and I went back into the party and I was dancing and having a lot of fun, but of course he was still on my mind. I am going to miss him very much. Texting just won't be the same, but we do both want to keep well in touch so texting and catching up if he's back for holidays will be important now.

Life In Year 13

I suppose I should update on how things are. I posted last monday so I am slacking a bit. I made sure to have a busy week but it'll be a test to remember what I actually did. Tuesday I believe was lunch with friends. The place we wanted to go to was only actually open at dinner so we ended up taking a walk down the road to a reasonably nice restaurant. I think it pushed our budgets a bit but it was nice for us to have a proper get together like that. Wednesday I think was when DBF came round in the evening and we watched a movie together. And in the morning I went to see It's Complicated with mum and a friend. It was a really good movie, definitely worth seeing. And after the movie I had a driving lesson. Can't wait for restricted now I can leave school during lunch and frees. Thursday I have no idea what I did. Probably nothing. And friday, Vicky, was course confirmation. Saturday I had work, then caught a ride to Napier to have drinks and stay over at DBF's. His parents, although they seem to like me, won't let me stay in his room. That meant an uncomfortable night on the couch, but I did have fun anyway. Sunday DBF gave me a ride to bowling for Kyla's birthday. I had a good time doing that. Hopefully we can arrange bowling with everyone again sometime soon. After bowling I went back to Kyla's and we screeched our way through a few songs on singstar before I went home and did nothing. I was exhausted by then.
This week it's been back into school things. Camp monday and tuesday. Despite getting soaking wet playing sport in the rain it was actually good fun. Tainui won camp shield. Great start to the year for our house. Wednesday was preparing to greet the year 9s, and thursday was the actual greeting and showing them round the school and playing team building type games with them. We also had house assemblies, and our chance to speak and let people see how we'd do as house leader. I would like to get it, I think it would be fun, but seen as it's mostly a popularity contest I doubt I will.
Today was the first day of lessons. I had two free periods since I still have a subject gap. Spanish by correspondence, I hoped, but that was rejected. We're applying again for level 2 now, rather than level 1. But I guess that will be rejected too and I'll be stuck doing chemistry. Another year of science when I'd hoped to drop it entirely. FML, I suppose. At least after school I had the retail therapy of spending $40 on fantastic high heels that I probably will only wear a few times.