This weekend has been a really mixed bag for me. It's helped me think about some things, and get things into perspective, but left me a little dazed and disappointed.
Work was good. I really love my work mates. They keep life lighthearted, most of the time. They help me to have a laugh. I'm going to miss them when we move on to working in different places. But of course it's something I'll make the most of whilst I have it.
Then Saturday night, I did something I haven't done in a while. And I don't think I'm so happy about it. The way people act... it's kinda hard to take it. It hit me hard, and I don't think I'll be repeating that again any time soon. I must say it was a nice solid reminder of what I've left behind, and how much better my life is now. I didn't enjoy that night very much at all.
Today I was in a great rush to return to the comforts of spending time with Kyla and Abe. Once I was finally at Abe's with the two of them I could relax. I enjoyed the rest of the day.
This evening I've been talking to a friend. He was a good friend. He's very confusing. How he's been the past month or so... well, I miss how it was before. I would love for our relationship to go back to how it was, round the beginning of May. Tonight he spoke to me for quite a while, which is unusual lately. Our conversation has made me think a lot about friendships, and losing people, and how we live life. I have some good friends right now, and I think I should still value him in that group. I'm not going to give up on having him return to our group. I have so many things to say to him, many questions to ask, and I can just hope one of them will make him think, and see all this change has done has hurt some of the people that care for him most. As for losing people... I've lost lots of people I've been close to at times in my life. One was the entire group I lost just this year. I barely miss them one bit. It was a terrible lifestyle. I am glad to have moved on from that. I'm sure living life in a better way now. However, some people we lose we can't seem to let go of. I lost a friend almost two years ago, and still think of him, almost everyday. I wonder what he's doing now, and wonder if he ever thinks of me.
So now I'll go off again, back to my own world of thoughts. I'm trying to think positively, but of course there's the sad sides. The friend I lost years ago, and the friendship I'm trying to cling to now.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Life In A Hectic Mind
I figure I haven't posted since after Sheilah Winn weekend... I just haven't felt much like blogging, really. A fair amount has happened, though. After that weekend, well, most of the next week was spent recovering. I was simply exhausted. Now that it's done the drama has calmed a little, but is still keeping up a major appearance in my schedule. There's HaBYT, which we're about to start filming scenes of a play for, and then I have NCEA drama to think about, which includes two hour rehearsals after school on monday, which I am now following straight by a salsa class, which is great fun. The rehearsals drag on. There's a lot of sitting around. It's not like the Sheilah Winn rehearsals. Those four hour rehearsals went faster than these two hours. At Sheilah Winn we were all involved, all the time. In Our Town there are three acts, and in some you may have two lines, then just sit for the rest of the time. Just sitting, whilst other people are having their scenes blocked.
Just sitting isn't that good for me lately, I guess. I have a lot to think about, and they're things I don't mind being distracted from. There's still that friend who I'm worried about. He's avoiding me, and that hurts. Each small conversation I have with him gives me something fresh to think about, a new worry or confusion. Alongside that I have come to find that, not for the first time, I am hurting someone. Just by being me. My friend apparently likes me. If I give him a hug, I can see he's sad... He wants more, but I just love him dearly as a friend. And other than those two, drama creeps into my mind all the time, as well as the normal things. Missing old friends, how things are with current friends...
Right now I should be on the bus, and almost at school. But instead I'm sitting in my bed, typing this. It's bad, I know, but I was supposed to head to town to do some work for a class, and then when I couldn't make it my group fell apart and now no one is going. We are so far behind right now; it's awful. So rather than go and spend a lesson with them at school, and face my least favourite class right after it, I decided to spend an extra couple of hours at home. I can make this time productive, of course. Once I'm done with this I'll see what my classes for the rest of the day are, and make sure anything I should have done last night is done for them. That's bad too... I keep on saying I'll do my homework, and keep on top of things. Then going to see a friend, or pointless quizzes on facebook, seem more appealing.
I think there's one final thing I'd like to mention, and that is photography. I'd had a horrible dry spell in photography, and hadn't really taken anything at all, but now I'm well on the way to having more photographs. The way photoshoots have happened lately is I meet with Kyla, and we take turns modelling and behind the camera. Since we can borrow her mum's camera which is far better than mine we both use that. There's the problem. Our pictures are mixed together. Anyone else who is with us wants a turn. It's hard to tell who took which photos. It's ok to get my editing work up, but I really think I should start shooting on my own camera again, even if it's not so good as the D200. Next shoot I plan to do that. Then my Flickr might see some work again.
Ok, it's time to get ready, then see what I can tackle with homework until I want to get to school.
Just sitting isn't that good for me lately, I guess. I have a lot to think about, and they're things I don't mind being distracted from. There's still that friend who I'm worried about. He's avoiding me, and that hurts. Each small conversation I have with him gives me something fresh to think about, a new worry or confusion. Alongside that I have come to find that, not for the first time, I am hurting someone. Just by being me. My friend apparently likes me. If I give him a hug, I can see he's sad... He wants more, but I just love him dearly as a friend. And other than those two, drama creeps into my mind all the time, as well as the normal things. Missing old friends, how things are with current friends...
Right now I should be on the bus, and almost at school. But instead I'm sitting in my bed, typing this. It's bad, I know, but I was supposed to head to town to do some work for a class, and then when I couldn't make it my group fell apart and now no one is going. We are so far behind right now; it's awful. So rather than go and spend a lesson with them at school, and face my least favourite class right after it, I decided to spend an extra couple of hours at home. I can make this time productive, of course. Once I'm done with this I'll see what my classes for the rest of the day are, and make sure anything I should have done last night is done for them. That's bad too... I keep on saying I'll do my homework, and keep on top of things. Then going to see a friend, or pointless quizzes on facebook, seem more appealing.
I think there's one final thing I'd like to mention, and that is photography. I'd had a horrible dry spell in photography, and hadn't really taken anything at all, but now I'm well on the way to having more photographs. The way photoshoots have happened lately is I meet with Kyla, and we take turns modelling and behind the camera. Since we can borrow her mum's camera which is far better than mine we both use that. There's the problem. Our pictures are mixed together. Anyone else who is with us wants a turn. It's hard to tell who took which photos. It's ok to get my editing work up, but I really think I should start shooting on my own camera again, even if it's not so good as the D200. Next shoot I plan to do that. Then my Flickr might see some work again.
Ok, it's time to get ready, then see what I can tackle with homework until I want to get to school.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Life In Doing
Sheilah Winn. Over the weekend we went to perform at the national festival. We had an amazing time and did our best performance ever. We truly nailed it. We all learnt a lot from the whole experience and it came to a wonderful close. After a busy time, with rehearsals, workshops, theatre trip, the van breaking down, our performance, a party, and the award ceremony (where our fantastic Jacob took the award for best delivery of text) we spent our Sunday evening just hanging out. The whole group, including Mr Betty. We started with an amazing conversation, with many thanks to Mr Betty and the whole group. We discussed what we learnt over the whole time, about acting, performing, and about each other. We had a few girls in tears, and a few guys fighting them back. And this random guy sat in the meeting/reading room for this whole time. Watching, listening. He left and we had to mention how strange it was he hadn't left much earlier. Very, very funny.
When done with the emotional stuff we relaxed. Out came monopoly (my team won) and twister (in a short dress, but oh well). The evening was great. All hanging out together, people we all care about, with the performance over, all satisfied with what we had achieved.
I think I can speak for us all when I say we came away from the weekend, and everything we did in preparation for it, with much gain. We have gained brilliant memories, inside jokes and quotes that will continue to give us laughs, along with more acting experience, greater ability to deal with others (seven girls sharing one bedroom, and one bathroom - with very few arguments - amazing achievement), and much, much more.
Sharing the room was very good. The guys had the room next door and it really went very well. We could hear eachother through the very thin wall, which provided plenty of entertainment. There was a little bit of snapping at people to be quiet and go to sleep (no names, Kyla), and a bit of yelling when people took too long in the shower, but we really got on very well.
I could say much more about the weekend, but I really don't need to. It was a fantastic experience and I can't wait to get started on next year's entry.
When done with the emotional stuff we relaxed. Out came monopoly (my team won) and twister (in a short dress, but oh well). The evening was great. All hanging out together, people we all care about, with the performance over, all satisfied with what we had achieved.
I think I can speak for us all when I say we came away from the weekend, and everything we did in preparation for it, with much gain. We have gained brilliant memories, inside jokes and quotes that will continue to give us laughs, along with more acting experience, greater ability to deal with others (seven girls sharing one bedroom, and one bathroom - with very few arguments - amazing achievement), and much, much more.
Sharing the room was very good. The guys had the room next door and it really went very well. We could hear eachother through the very thin wall, which provided plenty of entertainment. There was a little bit of snapping at people to be quiet and go to sleep (no names, Kyla), and a bit of yelling when people took too long in the shower, but we really got on very well.
I could say much more about the weekend, but I really don't need to. It was a fantastic experience and I can't wait to get started on next year's entry.
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