The End of a Chapter

All I want is for you to be happy,
And take this woman and make you my family,
And finally you have found someone perfect,
And finally you have found yourself.

I was right. All that worrying and wondering was not for nothing. It’s over. DBF came over last night. I knew why. He didn’t count on me already having Max round though, so it was just awkward hanging out for a while, until they decided to leave. Max left first so he should have said it then, but he chickened out. He told me he’d go on MSN when he was home, and he told me then. I told him I knew, and that I agree with him. There’s no energy between us anymore. And so DBF is not DBF anymore. We are going to stay friends, after a few weeks, to let the relationship leave properly.

I feel strange. I’m not really feeling very sad. I haven’t cried. I just feel like something’s missing now. Like I have to get used to this different way of living again, slip back into a single life. I’m a little angry, though I don’t see why. We both knew it would be stupid to hang on any longer. But I feel blank. I feel like I have nothing to do, and have no purpose. Which is stupid because I was never head over heels for him anyway. I liked him, but that was it. I didn’t depend on him for anything and I have lots to do too, and lots to work towards. Just that involves getting stuck into homework and I tried that and couldn’t focus for very long. I just can’t stop thinking about him, about how I feel about this.

I think I just need a little time to adjust really. It’s just a different feeling. Usually a break up means some strong feelings. I’ve had empowered, finally being free. I’ve had utter devastation and constant crying. But this barely feeling a thing is strange. I want to throw myself into working, but like I said, I can’t focus, so that doesn’t help.

The most I can do for now is start something new, to make up for losing something old, so to speak. All I can think of is to freshen up my blog. So bring on the new look.