Life In Still Images

At this very moment, I should be revising. In 2 hours and 26 minutes I will be in my economics exam. Yet, here I go again, pretending as if this blog is worth anything at all. It seems that all knowledge of economics has drained from my head. This is the exam where I should pick up merits and excellences, but right now I'm feeling for scraping a pass. I'm not one to stress about passing an exam. If I don't pass, so what. It's not going to effect me much. Maybe I'll have to pick a different subject for next year, that's about all. I'm just a bit annoyed that I'm coming up to a subject that I am good at, with no fucking clue. I can't focus. On anything, let alone economics.
I'm realising how much I've neglected hobbies of late. I haven't gotten any photoshoots done in a very long time. The previous few have been with Kyla, and she's been the one saying, "We're going here, taking this, and getting a photoshoot down." Which doesn't say much for my inspiration levels. I was pleased with our cemetary shoot, and how some of my ideas turned out, but I really need to get on with doing something of my own, and making it creative. I have ideas. I just need the motivation to go take the photos. I'm itching to do it right now, but I should also be returning to the eco books.
Other than photography I've neglected the poetry, which is in a way a good thing, since I usually turn to that when I'm an emotional wreck. The dried up run of poetry suggests I've been a bit higher on the emotional scale. Or that I just can't be creative with writing when I'm stressed.
I have many many ideas for photos now, and a long summer to take them all. I'm excited for this, and for Christmas. But not for the exam. 2 hours, 16 minutes to go. And my camera is definitely winning me over the eco books. :)

Life In Stress

On monday, I revised a little, did a little shopping, and ate strawberries.
On tuesday, I had a failure to revise, but a success in being better than Max (at pool, table tennis AND guitar hero). Then I did revise a little.
On wednesday, I forfeited plans to get up early and revise a lot as I was tired, so I had a lay in and revised a little, before going to my biology exam. After that I planned to revise for english, which I did a little, but I also discovered there's some pretty good things on TV of a wednesday.
Today, I woke up feeling exhausted at 7am. I somehow was ready for the bus by 8am, but I managed to forget my scripts for HaBYT. A little revision time with a few friends at school before the exam at 9.30am. I was tired, but somehow focused, and even think I might have done well, despite feeling slightly insane when managing to connect a poem about mechanical cranes to the meaning of life. I left the exam and had a pleasant walk. I think I needed that. A police officer stopped to ask about the exams, and reminisced a little about how they were when he was at highschool. He then wished me luck with my exams and carried on his way. I killed some amount of time before getting a bus to Hastings. Max and I killed a little time before he got a tattoo. I might get a tattoo, in a few years, so I wanted to watch it being done. I thought it might put me off, but it didn't, so who knows. In a couple of years I may have some meaningful ink on my back. The tattooist was a very interesting and nice guy who was considerably easy to talk to, so I actually enjoyed the hour and a half sitting in there. Then there was some more killing time and subway for dinner before HaBYT. Of course I wasn't favourite for forgetting my scripts but I feel justified in slipping up as this week is seemingly made of stress. I'm not sure I want to go into it so much. I've complained enough to a few people (I'm sorry, and thank you...). I do have to say though, I am quite looking forward to parents returning on saturday. I've had quite enough of keeping this rather large house clean by myself.

Life In New Shoes

My last two posts have consisted of "this isn't productive, why aren't I more insightful?" And, in all honesty, I'm still not feeling very meaningful. I feel average. Just the same as all the other teenagers who are preparing for exams. Today, I revised for biology, cell structure and function. Depending on the questions that come up, I'll either pass, or pass well, on that paper. The next couple of days will be revision for ecology, genetic variation, and animal structure function. There is nothing particularly exciting about biology, or exams, or revision. Not wanting to spend the whole day stuck at home with my good friend biology, I caught a ride into town with my brother, and met a friend. The same friend I met yesterday. Yesterday we were with another friend of ours, and today we met one of his friends who I have met a few times. Both friends said at some point, in response to something I said, "Damn, we should hang out more often." I think I agree. Despite my friend making innappropriate comments a few times, considering he is dating one of my good friends, I have enjoyed hanging about there. His innappropriate-ness brings me to shoes. Yes, shoes. We were browsing shops to pass the time, and I saw some shoes I liked. I tried them on, and they are quite fantastic, and he offered to buy them for me. Free shoes? Great! Friend's boyfriend buying me shoes? Not a chance in Hell. I told him that he can't do that, and bought them myself. Another pair of shoes I'll hardly ever get a chance to wear, but shoes make every, average, girl happy. These shoes might even make good ball shoes in year 13.
The past few days also held hints of forts with overly ginger orgies and cookie dough, a work mate becoming a dildo-testing, wine taster, living in Amsterdam and commuting to Paris, and maybe even a little strip poker. Yes, they are all interesting stories, but I'm going to continue watching Happy Feet and feeling sorry for Mumble now. :)

Life In Remembrance

It's funny the things a girl remembers. Or, is it just the things I remember? What sparked this thought was the quote I made in a previous post, a friend saying, "You're too pretty for your own good." That is a comment I don't think I'll ever forget. It meant something to me, and I'll keep that with me. There's more, silly compliments like that. Say, when a male friend of mine told me he liked the stuff, the blue stuff on my eyes. I told him that's called eyeshadow, he said, "Yeah, that stuff. Well, it looks nice." It's nice that I remember things like that. It's enough to make you smile when you've had a bad day. Anyway, enough of that crap. I remember things like a friend's shoe size, too.
Well then. It's the last day of year 12 tomorrow. Which is exciting. That means next year I am year 13. That means senior privilages, like no uniform. Which is great, and I'm looking forward to it, after a good long break. But, it's seeming a bit overshadowed. I have so many friends who are now leaving highschool for good. Going to university, or working. Compared to that, year 13 doesn't seem so exciting. Sadly friends being year 13 and them leaving means me not seeing said friends so much. Particularly MM, as he is a part of my close group. I'll miss having him around at lunchtimes. I'll miss him in general. But there's always MSN. The good old internet. In this day and age, distance barely counts for anything. It's (almost) as easy to chat with friends back home in England, and it is to chat to friends just down the road here in NZ. I feel like I'm crapping on a bit now. This is not productive.

-note, the title is nice and relevant, as it was just remembrance day in England. :)

Life In Attention

Some people say a lot of things to me which they shouldn't. For example, I was just told I am too incredibly attractive for my own good and his, by my friend's boyfriend. I won't dispute the compliment. It's his opinion, no use arguing, but I do dispute that he should tell me, or even think, that. For now I won't tell her anything, as it would only upset her and I don't think it's a lot to worry about. Just stern words to him should do it, I hope. Why is it that so many males have trouble with boundaries like that? And still wonder why girls don't trust them?
Now, it is not a particularly comfortable thing talking about myself, and not disputing the compliments I am bringing up, but what he said reminded me of something a friend said a few years ago. This friend told me I am too pretty for my own good, and in a few years I'd understand that. Of course at the time I passed it off as him being his silly, fun self. Yet, he was right. I do understand now. I get too much attention. And I say that as someone who likes attention. It is too much. I feel vain now, so moving swiftly onwards.
But moving on to what? There are surely many things I could analyse and pull apart and make worth writing about, but I somehow have nothing. I'll allow this post to die to writer's block, and try to bring something more insightful later.

Life In Chaotic Minds

So, the hair has been cut. I like the colour. I think. And I like most of the style, but not the really short layers. I really want them to magically grow at least a few inches really fast. Of course, that won't happen and of course, that isn't the end of the world. I can live with working around the stupid little layers until they do grow out, which of course, will take far longer than I'd like. Oh well though. I'll get used to it. I guess change is good. I'm not actually looking forward to the attention which I'll undoubtfully get since this haircut is not one that will have people putting on that funny "did you get your hair cut?" face. I'm a general attention whore, but less so for lots of people giving a little attention each. More for select people giving me lots of attention. I'm a picky attention whore.
Other than hair... Last night I went to a bonfire/fireworks with some friends. It was a church-held event. I was sceptical about going, since I am rather anti-church, but I figured I can deal with being around Christians, so long as they aren't all preachy. They weren't preachy, but it still got me thinking about religion again. It really is the most ridiculous thing. People dedicate there lives to something which does not exist. They waste their time praying. Maybe it makes them feel more positive about things, but you can do that without a whole story behind some imaginery figure creating the world. God is like the easter bunny, or Santa, yet somehow people don't stop believing in him just because they get old enough to work out it's not true. It would make so much more sense if when children came to the sad realisation that Santa is mum or dad they realised God is just a made up character too. Of course Christians find this idea offensive, and often say I should be more open minded. They apparently don't see how closed their own minds are. So many people would do better in life if they thought, "what's best for me, and what do I want to do?" rather than, "what does God want me to do?" Religion rant aside, I did enjoy myself last night. We played volleyball and watched other things like sumo wrestling games, there was a BBQ (of course I wasn't eating that), and then bonfire and fireworks.
I should be studying for exams now, but I don't think I will. It will be last minute study for me, as usual. The day before each exam seems like a great plan to me.

Life In Angels

I just realised I entirely skipped Halloween out of reportings in the last post, along with the 18th I was at on friday night, which is a bit of a big miss out, because both of these were great nights. I feel slightly bad for having such a good weekend, considering local events which have thrown my school into grieving, but such is life. Friday night was brilliant. It was my opportunity to let loose, get drunk and dance. I've severely cut down on those nights this year, which is good, because they are so much more fun when they turn up. A mixture of bogan metal lovers, and girly clubbing types, made for a great night. Bogans singing along to Miley Cyrus is quite a treat, as is headbanging with the metal lovers, and being the only one who seems to switch comfortably between the two personas. Club tunes saw me dancing on the benches with the girls, and metal chilling with my feet back on the ground with my ginger friend. And that bring us to the exciting news... He's not in love with me anymore. More than anything else, I am so happy for him over this. He's found what he deserves. Someone who loves him back. He's gone so long trying to figure what it is he needs to do to win me over. So long being rejected. I love him to bits, as a friend, and now I can feel more comfortable telling him that, knowing his I love you doesn't mean more. How sappy. Remind me to shoot that side of myself when I get my hands on a gun.
Halloween was again a good night. I was with my younger group of friends, so it was a drink free night, which worked out fine for me. As prepared as I was for another full on party, I was fine to settle with blisters on my feet from hours of walking round the village, dressed up as an angel. We went trick or treating under the cover of my friend's 12 year old sister, but we all loved it really. I suggested a shortcut through the reserve to get back, and this turned into a pleasant but interesting part of the walk. I was left walking with one friend, who I assisted in turning into an emo. We had a good distance between those infront and those behind us, so he took the opportunity to make a confession. He used to go to my school, and remembers me from then, although sadly I don't remember him. He told me he always wanted to ask me out back then. I was flattered, of course, but this was awkward since it wasn't long ago I was dating his brother. Thankfully he realised how that plays into it, so we didn't even have to get to the bit where I've never even remotely considered him as potential dating material.
Writing saves me once again. My head was full of complaints of the minor difficulties of my life, but now it's cleared rather so I can relax a little before I sleep.