Better Start Saving, Girl

 Things in life do often seem backwards, and sometimes that can be hard to get your head around. One of those things just came up. I mention my pending trip to the UK at the end of this year and get told I shouldn't be trying to set something like that in stone as there may not be the money for it. Well, it is set in stone already. On a personal level, I have to go. I've got to go home before moving on to uni. I miss it so much there's no way I can push a trip back even further away. So, whether they want to put any money towards the trip or not, I'm going. If I have to pay for the whole thing myself, I will.
So, to the point of the backwards bit. When I ask for money to help me I get told not to count on it. When I tell them to stop paying for things they keep paying for more. Particularly Sydney trip. I asked them to pay for my flights, but was going to pay for everything else myself. All I ended up paying for was my shopping. Again for England, I'm only asking them to pay for the flight, but apparently even that could be too much.
I know I shouldn't expect them to pay for anything, but it is hard not to, considering the amount they have paid for my brother, and the fact he doesn't do anything to deserve it. Even when he has money of his own he spends it on junk and things like an xBox which makes me want to smash said xBox over his head. So he's shit broke and has to pay 70 pounds rent a week as well as buying food, so you don't need three guesses to figure it's the parents paying for that. They paid for him to fly back to England. They paid for EIT courses which he never even completed.
Not wanting to blow my own horn, but I on the other hand, am completing highschool (more than he did), whilst holding a job and building up reasonable savings, rather than spending money I don't have on stupid things like an xBox. I feel like a horrible person for even being upset that I may not get that flight paid for, but when I look at the bigger picture and see how my brother is I feel like a damn saint.
Anyway, time to grin and bear it. I'll just have to tighten the wallet a bit more and probably end up as an even poorer uni student than I initially anticiapted next year.
Today has been a bit crappy anyway. I suppose it was coming after having such a good week until today.

Sometimes I wonder

Today was a bit of a day of good deeds for a friend and I. Unfortunately it was his good deed that lead to the need for my good deed. Yes, Vicky, Henry ran out of petrol, 3km from the village. So I got a text when I'm sitting in english, about to leave for a photo, saying can I please pick him up. So after the photo I did pick him up. Leant him $10 to put some fuel in his car, then it wouldn't start anyway so he went with the call AA option. Silly Henry. So I do wonder why he bothered being nice to you in the first place Vicky. Should have hugged you, then told you to harden up. :P Oh, and, I hope you're feeling better. Now, let's move on from this post sounding like a letter to Vicky.
I also wonder... well. I have a friend who's not in the best place, so I do try to be very nice to him and not criticise... but really. Today I ask on MSN, "How are you?" and he was annoyed. Why? WoW had some sort of glitch that messed up his add-ons. I just can't fathom that. A life revolving round an online game? Very sad. But of course I'm not about to have a go at him about it because I really don't want to make him feel worse. He really needs to feel good enough to go out and do something real. I hope it happens soon.
Other than that, another good day. Things are happy happy right now. =]

Life is good today.

Today has been so absolutely lovely. It wasn't perfect. It was far from it. It was just so... balanced. Not one of those days where something good is totally forgotten because something else went so horribly wrong. A day where I can see what was good and what was bad, and feel good at the end of it all.
I got up and went to school. NZ draw with Italy. Very happy. Stats was boring and I didn't do a lot. I balanced that in study by getting my english homework done and feeling satisfied that was out of the way, and I still had a little time left to relax in the sun.
Then food wasn't quite as planned. No available computer rooms, so after about 15 minutes I had intended to spend in the food room I was left with very little to do. Drama also relatively non-productive, but not bad.
Then at lunchtime I was slightly disappointed that Uta couldn't meet us, but that was easily made up for by the lunch being nice, spent with just a couple of friends. A bit of relaxing. Then back to school. English, which is good right now because I am enjoying reading The Islands of Silence.
After school it's off to hang out with Ob. and James, since I'm kind and it's James's birthday. We meet up with Ob. and go to town. I bought cream for my cold sore, the most ongoing downside of today. We went and played pool, had drinks at Breakers. I chat with SG which was nice. Text Uta and it took a long time happening. It was a painful wait. But he finally made it to meet us. Then the best hug ever commenced. I had to share the hug, but it was the most wonderful moment still.
Then sad moment, James and I leave for rehearsal. Fastforward through Walton's World and annoying rehearsal, to leaving rehearsal half an hour early. I sit in the car for ten minutes texting trying to arrange meeting Ob. and Uta again. Success, so I drove to Ob.'s We have a huge talk about Shakespeare and HaBYT. Then Uta arrives and we have these huge deep maybe mildly disurbing from the outside discussions. And that was such a highlight. The things we share are so crazy and it's so comfortable talking to eachother. We're all so close and it's so brilliant to have friends that talk to you like that, and you can talk to like that. Then Uta says, "Oh who gave you that necklace?" I tell him, "Oh I dunno, some wanker." then realise it had cracked again and broken worse than before. He said, "Well if some wanker gave it to you at least you don't need to feel bad about breaking it." Promised I was finding the super glue the moment I got home. I treasure that necklace, like I treasure the friendship.
Then it's 9.30 and they go to pick up James and I go home. Driving home first I see a hedgehog, and I brake, and swerve round it. A little further along there's a rabbit in the road. He was a big handsome bunny. I stopped. He seemed confused by the headlights and hopped back and forth in front of the car a few times before getting out of the road. Nearer home I see a hedgehog sized shape ahead so slow down, and drive around it, only to see the other side is bloody. The hedgehog was already dead. That was rather sad. Then driving along my road I looked up, and saw a fabulous shooting star. It was like a wonderful seal to this day. Today was not spectacular, but it feels significant. I learnt things today. I was reminded of things today. Life is good today.

Please ignore the next few lines...

because they're directed at you.

"Is something stressing you out?"
"Yes, you."

Or at least, that's what I wanted to say. But even I know sometimes it is the time to bite your tongue, and instead say, "No, I'm just at the sick of this play stage." Lots of plays have that stage. Even the plays you end up loving the most, you hated them for a while.

With this play, it's a pretty glorious hate stage. Or should I say with this director?
"You have to be able to work with various directors."
Daniel, Alan, Ken, Kelly, Claire, even Vicky. You don't seem to see, the problem is you.

I said to him, "Just one thing.. when you say you won't interrupt the scene this time... Don't." Please say he listens.

Because I'm just a little girl you see,
But there's a hell of a lot more to me,
Don't ever underestimate what I can do,
Don't ever tell me how I'm meant to be.

Sometime's I feel you're not listening.

The teacher driving me insane aside, one other irritating people mini rant. Currently I have a friend, who as a rule seems to like me a lot and be very nice. But yesterday he was untalkative. I asked why. He told me to leave him alone and not talk to him, because he doesn't like me.
Say what?
But no. He has no explanation for this out of the blue hatred. I can happily say goodbye and move on. I just wonder why.

Watch out world. I won't just be a voice in the crowd.

The Ups and The Downs.

Well lately things have been up and down. There have been severe lows. The being really sick lows, and the being really sad lows. The coughing keeping you up til early hours of the morning. The crying keeping you up til early hours of the morning. Feeling so sick and weak you can't stay standing. Feeling so helpless and depressed you can't stay standing.
But we know things go in cycles and waves. What hits rock bottom always climbs back up. There have been highs. There has been knitting and watching Mary Poppins. There has been dancing, partying and beer pong. Which was sure a fantastic night. There has been rain, but now there is sun. Figuratively and literally.
Parents get back next week. I look forward to spending a bit of time with them, before they set off again, for Sydney. Lucky buggers. I just have Wellington to look forward to. Twice. =]