Slob and Bruises

I don't feel like there's a creative bone in my body right now, so who knows why I'm writing. But anyway.
The skiing part of going skiing wasn't so great, since the snow was a bit thin so it was rocky, and it is school holiday so it was too busy. The being out of Hawke's Bay was good though. I definitely look forward to Wellington in August.
Eye candy was definitely good on the slopes. That was fun. Haha. What a laugh.
This is such a total rut. I need to get my work done for school. I only really have sunday left for that though. That's such a bloody shame because there is a lot of it to do.
Another positive is at some point next week I am so going for a facial next week. My work mate gave me a 50% of voucher to a beauty salon so I figure I might try out that luxury.
Another negative is my jerky friend in Aus. He's not talking to me. Which I don't quite understand because it surely should be the other way around. I'm always too nice to him. He's frequently a total dick. So I should be not talking to him. But, you know. I flick between happily chatting with him, angrily grilling him, icily ignoring him and unreasonably ending up talking to him again. Loop goes on. Seems to work for us.
MM is a half positive. He's totally an awesome friend. The half negative is that he is in Chch.
A major positive is I have spent most of the past two days on the couch watching Outrageous Fortune season 5 on DVD. It has been the nicest slobby experience. Aside from that I did go for a walk with Bianca yesterday so the slobbing has been balanced out.
I have to work tomorrow. Not a happy thought but I do need the money so positive face on for that one. A negative on that front though is I managed to roll my ankle an hour or so ago and it really hurts. In the process of falling as my ankle rolled I bashed my knee on the coffee table, so have a nice bruise there. I am sure that will be fun and painful at work.
For feeling uncreative, I think this is a good long post.

This Ain't A Love Song

I love love love that song right now.

And I'm a little bit lost without you,
And I'm a bloody big mess inside,
And I'm a little bit lost without you,
This ain't a love song,
This is goodbye.


I'm still suffering from goodbyes and being stuck in this dump. And being under 18. I just want to get out tonight, but don't think anyone's doing anything other than pub. So not only am I stuck in this wee town, I'm stuck home with nothing to do on a saturday night. So iPod on and seclude myself.
I hate this. I consciously know things are good, but I still don't feel happy. All I am looking forward to is skiing next week, Wellington in August, England in Dec/Jan, Wellington next year... see a theme here? Not in H.B. I am so over this place. I'm not sure what's keeping me sane.

Whole Lot Of Leaving Going On

What is this goodbye crap? They say the world is a smaller place these days, but as I am stuck in Hawkes Bay the world feels huge. And here I am. Stuck here. I need to get out. I feel so trapped here... and everyone seems to be drifting away.
Julia, then Connor, then Elles... all pretty sad goodbyes. And I won't see them until the end of the year, fingers crossed I see them then... Yet, sad as those goodbyes were. The goodbye just now was harder... and he's only going to the bloody south island. It's just... he was only here for three weeks, and it feels like I barely saw him in that time. I saw him so much last time he was back so it was really great. This time was shitty.
I better go skiing next week, or I'll go totally mental. I can't stand to stay here without at least a little break, and the mountains will be the perfect getaway. I am so over HB right now.

Just a few words.

It has been a funny time lately. What with parents being away, and everyone leaving. It's really strange. Really just one last goodbye to go with Elles on wednesday. Other than that sad occassion I hope I will have a really good holiday. Though, I already picked up two extra shifts at work, and have to do my drama and food work... hopefully I will feel like I've had some kind of break. I had such a good time on our girls day out yesterday. More days like that would make a brilliant holiday.

Better Start Saving, Girl

 Things in life do often seem backwards, and sometimes that can be hard to get your head around. One of those things just came up. I mention my pending trip to the UK at the end of this year and get told I shouldn't be trying to set something like that in stone as there may not be the money for it. Well, it is set in stone already. On a personal level, I have to go. I've got to go home before moving on to uni. I miss it so much there's no way I can push a trip back even further away. So, whether they want to put any money towards the trip or not, I'm going. If I have to pay for the whole thing myself, I will.
So, to the point of the backwards bit. When I ask for money to help me I get told not to count on it. When I tell them to stop paying for things they keep paying for more. Particularly Sydney trip. I asked them to pay for my flights, but was going to pay for everything else myself. All I ended up paying for was my shopping. Again for England, I'm only asking them to pay for the flight, but apparently even that could be too much.
I know I shouldn't expect them to pay for anything, but it is hard not to, considering the amount they have paid for my brother, and the fact he doesn't do anything to deserve it. Even when he has money of his own he spends it on junk and things like an xBox which makes me want to smash said xBox over his head. So he's shit broke and has to pay 70 pounds rent a week as well as buying food, so you don't need three guesses to figure it's the parents paying for that. They paid for him to fly back to England. They paid for EIT courses which he never even completed.
Not wanting to blow my own horn, but I on the other hand, am completing highschool (more than he did), whilst holding a job and building up reasonable savings, rather than spending money I don't have on stupid things like an xBox. I feel like a horrible person for even being upset that I may not get that flight paid for, but when I look at the bigger picture and see how my brother is I feel like a damn saint.
Anyway, time to grin and bear it. I'll just have to tighten the wallet a bit more and probably end up as an even poorer uni student than I initially anticiapted next year.
Today has been a bit crappy anyway. I suppose it was coming after having such a good week until today.

Sometimes I wonder

Today was a bit of a day of good deeds for a friend and I. Unfortunately it was his good deed that lead to the need for my good deed. Yes, Vicky, Henry ran out of petrol, 3km from the village. So I got a text when I'm sitting in english, about to leave for a photo, saying can I please pick him up. So after the photo I did pick him up. Leant him $10 to put some fuel in his car, then it wouldn't start anyway so he went with the call AA option. Silly Henry. So I do wonder why he bothered being nice to you in the first place Vicky. Should have hugged you, then told you to harden up. :P Oh, and, I hope you're feeling better. Now, let's move on from this post sounding like a letter to Vicky.
I also wonder... well. I have a friend who's not in the best place, so I do try to be very nice to him and not criticise... but really. Today I ask on MSN, "How are you?" and he was annoyed. Why? WoW had some sort of glitch that messed up his add-ons. I just can't fathom that. A life revolving round an online game? Very sad. But of course I'm not about to have a go at him about it because I really don't want to make him feel worse. He really needs to feel good enough to go out and do something real. I hope it happens soon.
Other than that, another good day. Things are happy happy right now. =]

Life is good today.

Today has been so absolutely lovely. It wasn't perfect. It was far from it. It was just so... balanced. Not one of those days where something good is totally forgotten because something else went so horribly wrong. A day where I can see what was good and what was bad, and feel good at the end of it all.
I got up and went to school. NZ draw with Italy. Very happy. Stats was boring and I didn't do a lot. I balanced that in study by getting my english homework done and feeling satisfied that was out of the way, and I still had a little time left to relax in the sun.
Then food wasn't quite as planned. No available computer rooms, so after about 15 minutes I had intended to spend in the food room I was left with very little to do. Drama also relatively non-productive, but not bad.
Then at lunchtime I was slightly disappointed that Uta couldn't meet us, but that was easily made up for by the lunch being nice, spent with just a couple of friends. A bit of relaxing. Then back to school. English, which is good right now because I am enjoying reading The Islands of Silence.
After school it's off to hang out with Ob. and James, since I'm kind and it's James's birthday. We meet up with Ob. and go to town. I bought cream for my cold sore, the most ongoing downside of today. We went and played pool, had drinks at Breakers. I chat with SG which was nice. Text Uta and it took a long time happening. It was a painful wait. But he finally made it to meet us. Then the best hug ever commenced. I had to share the hug, but it was the most wonderful moment still.
Then sad moment, James and I leave for rehearsal. Fastforward through Walton's World and annoying rehearsal, to leaving rehearsal half an hour early. I sit in the car for ten minutes texting trying to arrange meeting Ob. and Uta again. Success, so I drove to Ob.'s We have a huge talk about Shakespeare and HaBYT. Then Uta arrives and we have these huge deep maybe mildly disurbing from the outside discussions. And that was such a highlight. The things we share are so crazy and it's so comfortable talking to eachother. We're all so close and it's so brilliant to have friends that talk to you like that, and you can talk to like that. Then Uta says, "Oh who gave you that necklace?" I tell him, "Oh I dunno, some wanker." then realise it had cracked again and broken worse than before. He said, "Well if some wanker gave it to you at least you don't need to feel bad about breaking it." Promised I was finding the super glue the moment I got home. I treasure that necklace, like I treasure the friendship.
Then it's 9.30 and they go to pick up James and I go home. Driving home first I see a hedgehog, and I brake, and swerve round it. A little further along there's a rabbit in the road. He was a big handsome bunny. I stopped. He seemed confused by the headlights and hopped back and forth in front of the car a few times before getting out of the road. Nearer home I see a hedgehog sized shape ahead so slow down, and drive around it, only to see the other side is bloody. The hedgehog was already dead. That was rather sad. Then driving along my road I looked up, and saw a fabulous shooting star. It was like a wonderful seal to this day. Today was not spectacular, but it feels significant. I learnt things today. I was reminded of things today. Life is good today.