Life is good today.

Today has been so absolutely lovely. It wasn't perfect. It was far from it. It was just so... balanced. Not one of those days where something good is totally forgotten because something else went so horribly wrong. A day where I can see what was good and what was bad, and feel good at the end of it all.
I got up and went to school. NZ draw with Italy. Very happy. Stats was boring and I didn't do a lot. I balanced that in study by getting my english homework done and feeling satisfied that was out of the way, and I still had a little time left to relax in the sun.
Then food wasn't quite as planned. No available computer rooms, so after about 15 minutes I had intended to spend in the food room I was left with very little to do. Drama also relatively non-productive, but not bad.
Then at lunchtime I was slightly disappointed that Uta couldn't meet us, but that was easily made up for by the lunch being nice, spent with just a couple of friends. A bit of relaxing. Then back to school. English, which is good right now because I am enjoying reading The Islands of Silence.
After school it's off to hang out with Ob. and James, since I'm kind and it's James's birthday. We meet up with Ob. and go to town. I bought cream for my cold sore, the most ongoing downside of today. We went and played pool, had drinks at Breakers. I chat with SG which was nice. Text Uta and it took a long time happening. It was a painful wait. But he finally made it to meet us. Then the best hug ever commenced. I had to share the hug, but it was the most wonderful moment still.
Then sad moment, James and I leave for rehearsal. Fastforward through Walton's World and annoying rehearsal, to leaving rehearsal half an hour early. I sit in the car for ten minutes texting trying to arrange meeting Ob. and Uta again. Success, so I drove to Ob.'s We have a huge talk about Shakespeare and HaBYT. Then Uta arrives and we have these huge deep maybe mildly disurbing from the outside discussions. And that was such a highlight. The things we share are so crazy and it's so comfortable talking to eachother. We're all so close and it's so brilliant to have friends that talk to you like that, and you can talk to like that. Then Uta says, "Oh who gave you that necklace?" I tell him, "Oh I dunno, some wanker." then realise it had cracked again and broken worse than before. He said, "Well if some wanker gave it to you at least you don't need to feel bad about breaking it." Promised I was finding the super glue the moment I got home. I treasure that necklace, like I treasure the friendship.
Then it's 9.30 and they go to pick up James and I go home. Driving home first I see a hedgehog, and I brake, and swerve round it. A little further along there's a rabbit in the road. He was a big handsome bunny. I stopped. He seemed confused by the headlights and hopped back and forth in front of the car a few times before getting out of the road. Nearer home I see a hedgehog sized shape ahead so slow down, and drive around it, only to see the other side is bloody. The hedgehog was already dead. That was rather sad. Then driving along my road I looked up, and saw a fabulous shooting star. It was like a wonderful seal to this day. Today was not spectacular, but it feels significant. I learnt things today. I was reminded of things today. Life is good today.

Please ignore the next few lines...

because they're directed at you.

"Is something stressing you out?"
"Yes, you."

Or at least, that's what I wanted to say. But even I know sometimes it is the time to bite your tongue, and instead say, "No, I'm just at the sick of this play stage." Lots of plays have that stage. Even the plays you end up loving the most, you hated them for a while.

With this play, it's a pretty glorious hate stage. Or should I say with this director?
"You have to be able to work with various directors."
Daniel, Alan, Ken, Kelly, Claire, even Vicky. You don't seem to see, the problem is you.

I said to him, "Just one thing.. when you say you won't interrupt the scene this time... Don't." Please say he listens.

Because I'm just a little girl you see,
But there's a hell of a lot more to me,
Don't ever underestimate what I can do,
Don't ever tell me how I'm meant to be.

Sometime's I feel you're not listening.

The teacher driving me insane aside, one other irritating people mini rant. Currently I have a friend, who as a rule seems to like me a lot and be very nice. But yesterday he was untalkative. I asked why. He told me to leave him alone and not talk to him, because he doesn't like me.
Say what?
But no. He has no explanation for this out of the blue hatred. I can happily say goodbye and move on. I just wonder why.

Watch out world. I won't just be a voice in the crowd.

The Ups and The Downs.

Well lately things have been up and down. There have been severe lows. The being really sick lows, and the being really sad lows. The coughing keeping you up til early hours of the morning. The crying keeping you up til early hours of the morning. Feeling so sick and weak you can't stay standing. Feeling so helpless and depressed you can't stay standing.
But we know things go in cycles and waves. What hits rock bottom always climbs back up. There have been highs. There has been knitting and watching Mary Poppins. There has been dancing, partying and beer pong. Which was sure a fantastic night. There has been rain, but now there is sun. Figuratively and literally.
Parents get back next week. I look forward to spending a bit of time with them, before they set off again, for Sydney. Lucky buggers. I just have Wellington to look forward to. Twice. =]

Thoughts.

Today I've had a few thoughts. To start with, how superficial and shallow people are. How dishonest people are. And I know I'm guilty of this too. Among my friends there are of course those people that not everyone likes. Those people don't know how disliked they are. Why don't they know? Because the people that don't like them are so dishonest that they act nice to their faces, but the minute the person they don't like is out of the way, they complain about all those things they don't like. One of the disliked people is actually someone I don't particularly like myself, and I have actually been quite direct with her on occassion. I've told her when she's doing something that pisses everyone else off. No one else seems so straight up though. They tolerate when she's around, and avoid when they can. Another is actually a friend of mine. Sure he annoys me sometimes, but I don't see why a few of my friends dislike him so much. They go out of their way to avoid him. Here's where I'm guilty... Even though I have nothing against him, I've just gone with the flow in avoiding him. Today I realised I should probably speak my mind a bit more on these occassions, and maybe even ask what it is they find offensive about him.
Another thought... How forgetful I am. This is actually a thought I just had, as I can't remember all the other deep and meaningful things I was going to say. So I'll just say Ugly Betty is awesome tonight. I want to be Betty, cos Betty is scoring the cute guy.

I had a bad day.

Today was not my day. I just kept forgetting things. And now I'm scared to do anything because everything I touch seems to end up damaged today. And I need to make a fire because it's cold, might burn the house down. Need to iron my work clothes, might burn right through them. Need to cook dinner, will probably drop it once it's made, make a huge mess and end up hungry and in tears.
Yeah. Not positive right now. Maybe I should just sit still and be cold and hungry. It lowers the risk of ending up worse off in the long run.

Generic Moan

I just looked in the mirror, and I was surprised. Surprised to see myself there, looking pulled together, composed, and healthy. I feel so ill. I can't believe I look ok. I'm stressed. I've never had to do this before. Today I drove myself to town, and I did my own food shopping. That's new. And that's ok. I like the fact that I can buy the things I want, and nothing else. Today I did my own laundry. And that's ok. I know how to do it, and I don't mind doing it. It's just that it's all new. I think it's a good experience. It will give me some idea of what it will be like moving out.
Just looking in the mirror, seeing myself looking better than I feel... no wonder I'm good at acting like everything's ok. Honestly, when I said goodbye to my parents, knowing I wouldn't see them for a month, I cried. I had been looking forward to having the month to myself. A bit of a break. But then right on the day I just realised I'm going to miss them. And what break? I'm one person, and this is a five bedroom house. Feeding the cat I can deal with. But I am sure not looking forward to the part where I have to keep the house clean.
Anyway now I feel like I'm whinging about nothing, because of course my life is actually pretty cruisey. I just need to shake off this cold and keep going. I just wish it would go away quick enough for me to party tomorrow night. Chances of that feel small right now.

I hope you get your dreams.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Do you ever get to the point when it all just seems too much? The moment when you just want to break down and cry. 

I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you.
But you don't understand. 

I know it's not too much. I have enough time for what I want to do. I just can't get my head around it. It's an organisation malfunction. Everything is a mess. I know what I have to do, I just need to lay out what to do next.
I know I should be doing drama right now actually. I just don't want to face drama when every night since sunday has been performing. I don't have any other time for it though, since all weekend is taken up. 
Next week should be a lot less hectic, but next week also is the beginning of my month alone. Alone, for want of a better word. I won't be alone, there will be people around, but I will certainly have a whole lot more responsibility, and I think that's going to be very sudden. I know I can look after myself. I know what I need to get done. Just all of a sudden have a big house that three of us usually look after being all my responsibility could be harder than I think. I do have quite the horrible image of my parents arriving home to find I haven't hoovered in the whole month, but that will only be if I seriously don't have the time to clean the house. Which I totally will. Think positive right? 
I should just pull myself together, and probably write down what needs doing, then do it.

And after work tomorrow, I think this song can sum up how the weekend should be.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong but it's alright
The more things seem to change,
The more they stay the same,
Ohh don't you hesitate.
Girl, put your records on,
Tell me your favourite song,
Girl go ahead let your hair down.

Wow... I don't even want to read this post over and hear myself crapping on.