Please ignore the next few lines...

because they're directed at you.

"Is something stressing you out?"
"Yes, you."

Or at least, that's what I wanted to say. But even I know sometimes it is the time to bite your tongue, and instead say, "No, I'm just at the sick of this play stage." Lots of plays have that stage. Even the plays you end up loving the most, you hated them for a while.

With this play, it's a pretty glorious hate stage. Or should I say with this director?
"You have to be able to work with various directors."
Daniel, Alan, Ken, Kelly, Claire, even Vicky. You don't seem to see, the problem is you.

I said to him, "Just one thing.. when you say you won't interrupt the scene this time... Don't." Please say he listens.

Because I'm just a little girl you see,
But there's a hell of a lot more to me,
Don't ever underestimate what I can do,
Don't ever tell me how I'm meant to be.

Sometime's I feel you're not listening.

The teacher driving me insane aside, one other irritating people mini rant. Currently I have a friend, who as a rule seems to like me a lot and be very nice. But yesterday he was untalkative. I asked why. He told me to leave him alone and not talk to him, because he doesn't like me.
Say what?
But no. He has no explanation for this out of the blue hatred. I can happily say goodbye and move on. I just wonder why.

Watch out world. I won't just be a voice in the crowd.

The Ups and The Downs.

Well lately things have been up and down. There have been severe lows. The being really sick lows, and the being really sad lows. The coughing keeping you up til early hours of the morning. The crying keeping you up til early hours of the morning. Feeling so sick and weak you can't stay standing. Feeling so helpless and depressed you can't stay standing.
But we know things go in cycles and waves. What hits rock bottom always climbs back up. There have been highs. There has been knitting and watching Mary Poppins. There has been dancing, partying and beer pong. Which was sure a fantastic night. There has been rain, but now there is sun. Figuratively and literally.
Parents get back next week. I look forward to spending a bit of time with them, before they set off again, for Sydney. Lucky buggers. I just have Wellington to look forward to. Twice. =]

Thoughts.

Today I've had a few thoughts. To start with, how superficial and shallow people are. How dishonest people are. And I know I'm guilty of this too. Among my friends there are of course those people that not everyone likes. Those people don't know how disliked they are. Why don't they know? Because the people that don't like them are so dishonest that they act nice to their faces, but the minute the person they don't like is out of the way, they complain about all those things they don't like. One of the disliked people is actually someone I don't particularly like myself, and I have actually been quite direct with her on occassion. I've told her when she's doing something that pisses everyone else off. No one else seems so straight up though. They tolerate when she's around, and avoid when they can. Another is actually a friend of mine. Sure he annoys me sometimes, but I don't see why a few of my friends dislike him so much. They go out of their way to avoid him. Here's where I'm guilty... Even though I have nothing against him, I've just gone with the flow in avoiding him. Today I realised I should probably speak my mind a bit more on these occassions, and maybe even ask what it is they find offensive about him.
Another thought... How forgetful I am. This is actually a thought I just had, as I can't remember all the other deep and meaningful things I was going to say. So I'll just say Ugly Betty is awesome tonight. I want to be Betty, cos Betty is scoring the cute guy.

I had a bad day.

Today was not my day. I just kept forgetting things. And now I'm scared to do anything because everything I touch seems to end up damaged today. And I need to make a fire because it's cold, might burn the house down. Need to iron my work clothes, might burn right through them. Need to cook dinner, will probably drop it once it's made, make a huge mess and end up hungry and in tears.
Yeah. Not positive right now. Maybe I should just sit still and be cold and hungry. It lowers the risk of ending up worse off in the long run.

Generic Moan

I just looked in the mirror, and I was surprised. Surprised to see myself there, looking pulled together, composed, and healthy. I feel so ill. I can't believe I look ok. I'm stressed. I've never had to do this before. Today I drove myself to town, and I did my own food shopping. That's new. And that's ok. I like the fact that I can buy the things I want, and nothing else. Today I did my own laundry. And that's ok. I know how to do it, and I don't mind doing it. It's just that it's all new. I think it's a good experience. It will give me some idea of what it will be like moving out.
Just looking in the mirror, seeing myself looking better than I feel... no wonder I'm good at acting like everything's ok. Honestly, when I said goodbye to my parents, knowing I wouldn't see them for a month, I cried. I had been looking forward to having the month to myself. A bit of a break. But then right on the day I just realised I'm going to miss them. And what break? I'm one person, and this is a five bedroom house. Feeding the cat I can deal with. But I am sure not looking forward to the part where I have to keep the house clean.
Anyway now I feel like I'm whinging about nothing, because of course my life is actually pretty cruisey. I just need to shake off this cold and keep going. I just wish it would go away quick enough for me to party tomorrow night. Chances of that feel small right now.

I hope you get your dreams.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Do you ever get to the point when it all just seems too much? The moment when you just want to break down and cry. 

I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you.
But you don't understand. 

I know it's not too much. I have enough time for what I want to do. I just can't get my head around it. It's an organisation malfunction. Everything is a mess. I know what I have to do, I just need to lay out what to do next.
I know I should be doing drama right now actually. I just don't want to face drama when every night since sunday has been performing. I don't have any other time for it though, since all weekend is taken up. 
Next week should be a lot less hectic, but next week also is the beginning of my month alone. Alone, for want of a better word. I won't be alone, there will be people around, but I will certainly have a whole lot more responsibility, and I think that's going to be very sudden. I know I can look after myself. I know what I need to get done. Just all of a sudden have a big house that three of us usually look after being all my responsibility could be harder than I think. I do have quite the horrible image of my parents arriving home to find I haven't hoovered in the whole month, but that will only be if I seriously don't have the time to clean the house. Which I totally will. Think positive right? 
I should just pull myself together, and probably write down what needs doing, then do it.

And after work tomorrow, I think this song can sum up how the weekend should be.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong but it's alright
The more things seem to change,
The more they stay the same,
Ohh don't you hesitate.
Girl, put your records on,
Tell me your favourite song,
Girl go ahead let your hair down.

Wow... I don't even want to read this post over and hear myself crapping on.

Two and a half staff.

Title sums up today at work. We started out with four of us there, then one went home sick. That left me, my supervisor and the other saturday girl who is that half, as she's so useless at the job she doesn't really help. She's a nice person, but I wish I did not have to work with her. That made it a pretty long day for supervisor and I as we were both taking on a double workload. But we got through it, with plenty of laughs. I love how the two of us can do that. We have been working very well together lately. It doesn't matter what the other staff are up to, we can overlook that and keep our own little team going. I think we kept each other sane today really. So despite all the downfalls work was not bad today.
After work I didn't have long before going out again to celebrate a friend's birthday. She's a non-drinker so it was more of dinner and movie with a group of friends at her house thing. I would have been up for the raging party, but I did have a great night. We ate lots and played games and watched Austin powers. Totally good fun. And I got to hang out with a friend who never hangs out with me anymore, and also a friend I never get to see since he left school, so it was fantastic.
That leaves tomorrow full of rehearsals in the afternoon, so the morning will have to involve homework. Briiing it on.