Oh hey blog,

I'm cheating on you with tumblr. Sorry.

Summer days, wine, and gropage.

Summer days are my life now. No school, no work, very little money and Christmas approaching. It's all about socialising in the sun, with food and wine, and less appreciated, gropage. So far I've had nights of poetry, days at splash planet and in my garden, epic movie nights, and social pub trips. I'm sure there are many more of these days and nights to come. However there will be more blog abuse, because I simply don't know what to say here. I've had enough of using the blog to organise feelings or have an angry rant, and I don't think I have anything else to say. This is post 98. I will make posts 99 and 100, hopefully the 100th will be on Christmas day. Then when the new year rolls in I am going to see if I can revamp this and give it a new direction.

Slowing Down

Well, blog. I've abused you for about a month. Mostly because I feel like I never write anything worthwhile here, and I should write just for the sake of it.
I'm feeling at a strange point of the road. I feel unsettled here. Nothing feels purposeful, because my time in HB will be over in a few months. It's like this chapter of my life is closing, and I'm struggling to push through the last few pages. The main part of that being exams. I need to get through those, and pass well. Then christmas and new year. Hopefully my trip to england. Then only two weeks back in HB until the move on to university and a whole new place.
Everything feels out of place here. I hope I can feel settled again for the next few months, because feeling like this for too long could be damaging.

Burns and Bruises

He's not exactly a romantic, but has been known to say cute things.

That's what I had to say about D when a friend was asking about him. I think it is quite fitting. I'll take it, anyway.

So really the title of this one is a bit superficial. I burnt myself a few times past couple of days, most significantly scolding my fingers at work. And also have a bruise from Scott practically throwing a milk crate at me. This doesn't really bother me too much.

Really things are pretty decent right now. I have two weeks off to gather things back together. I can get my room cleared out, get some study done, catch up with some friends, and generally clear the head. I've been having fun, keeping up with 30DHS and spending time with D. All good stuff.

Tomorrow I get some quality mum time. We are going to Napier shopping to get out of the house after it gets fly treatment sprayed on it. Should find some cool things courtesy of mum's wallet and save my money for quality trips such as Burger Fuel and Ocean Spa with the girls, and the pubs on saturday.

I'm terrified.

Today it really hit me... just how scared I am to be hurt again. I don't want to distrust D, but it is so hard to trust when I've been betrayed so much before. My fear really sparked when he mentioned that this girl, J, was texting him, upset that he didn't go see her on saturday. Saturday was the second time he bailed on seeing her, because he changed his plans to see me instead. Twice he chose me over her, so why should I worry? I probably shouldn't... but I am so scared. I practically feel sick. What if he changes his mind, decides he is interested in her? Then what about me... left to cry away the pain again. He told me that she was texting him though. Does that mean I'm safe? If he was going to go after her, he wouldn't mention her to me, would he? I feel awful. I want to trust him but I can't help but wonder, what's he doing right now?
I don't want to be hurt again. Please let him not hurt me.

Too tired.

I'm tired and miserable right now. Of course I've been having a great time. I've had great luck and I had a wonderful birthday. And then there's D. I've been having such a nice time talking to him and getting to know him. However he's been keeping me up too late and I think there is my problem. That means I'm tired which means I'm becoming grouchy. So the second he teases me over something, well anything else wouldn't have bothered me, but is was the veg thing so it really did bother me. Seems he really has something against vegetarians. But I'll try to stay positive on that factor. If I can show him that we aren't strange and scary and that we don't eat gross food then maybe he will open his mind to vegetarians and avoid offending someone less patient than me. It's a bit confusing that he has something generally against veg*ns but I reckon it's just ignorance and I'm not going to let it bother me. And I'm not going to bother talking to him about it. I'm just going to be the positive image.
Bring on big wednesday results. Maybe my luck will continue.

Where's the cat when you need him?

I have had enough of people. I want to avoid people. That won't happen, but oh it is a lovely thought.
There are certainly too many people in my house, hence I'm in my room with the door locked. I wish the house was empty. Entirely. Parents out and all. But no, they have to have everyone here tonight.
Wellington was great. Really great. I am looking forward to university. I want to be there. I know I'll be broke, but that's ok. I can do it, and I will.
I loved both plays we saw there, particularly Marat/Sade at Toi Whakaari. They both had bath tubs in them, but there the similarities ended. Both amazing though.
Then... people. People that seem offended by ridiculous things. I talk about another guy to my male friend, he very soon says, "ok right I'm off bye." Just the kind of thing he'd do. Jealous sort. But he has a girlfriend, so I want to slap him for that reaction.
Another situation, I think I need team veg for. http://www.milkmyths.org.uk/health/index.php Just saying. More gems for STOS. More corperate brainwashing. More idiocy. More vegan zombies.
And the final thing... when you know someone has extremely reduced the dairy they consume, especially cheese, and you cook a dish specifically for that person, why would you put cheese in it? Sorry mum, I'm not eating that. Even the smell of the cheese is off putting, and there's fruit in the house that I'd much rather eat.
There's the rant. I do apologise that it's all I use this blog for these days, but why are people so stupid?